look now, [can't] look again

dear friends,

there have been just a few times that i have really had the time or desire to get back on the blog this year, but an occassion has arisen. last evening i went to the second last rainer maria show ever! their final show ever! is tonight at northsix. much has been made in the indierockmediamp3blogworld about the uniqueness of a female vocalist in the world of emo and of the bands ability to keep it together long after many of their counterparts called it quits. since i am not a journalist even loosley conceived and instead am a total fangirl, i offer no commentary and only my top rainer maria memories in chronological order:

fall 2002: i came to rainer maria late in the game as far as superfans or hipsters go. my earliest memory of rainer maria is listening to a cd that hilary had gotten a couple of years earlier from a random kid she gave a ride home one time. a kid who we were astonished was so cool and ahead of the curve. the cd also contained pedro the lion who was in constant rotation at the time. it was an era where i was almost exclusively listening to sad bastardette music often to the discontent of my dear roomates hez and muffin. but sometimes a girl just needs to cry her emo tearz. especially if she is in a tortured unrequited love situation. and my general inclination was toward whimpsters. so there it was, "rise", "tinfoil" and "broken radio" playing on a loop while i read books about religion and politics on the futon bunk in my room of all blue and yellow.

spring 2004: my first opportunity to see rainer maria live. i am living in my horrible studio apartment in montreal. its a horrible rainy day. we have a huge stats assignment due the next day. but, superpal carla who almost always agrees to be my show companion in those early montreal days conceeds and we truck out to westmount to look for the rainbow room. to those familiar with montreal you will immediately recognize this is not a rock show district. the vendome metro is not a frequent stop for hipsters. the venue turns out to be a sketchy room above a mechanic's garage that is literally under and overpass. there is a line of underage kids who have driven from vermont to see the headliners funeral for a friend and coheed and cambria. after some delicious greek food recommended by the bouncers and an unfortunate walk in the rain that ms. carla did not enjoy we return to the club to find parents against the wall. there are only three beverages on tap-- jamacian beer, gatorade and water. the bartender gives us too many jamacian beers, one of which is promptly taken by a kid who is clearly 15. i purchased a shirt i later sold on ebay to a 14 year old in nebraska and i got a copy of long knoves drawn that was in constant rotation as i finished my masters.

spring 2006: ms. hannah and i began a string of several shows in several days that capped a particularly busy period of showgoing that included the discovery of my fave (babydayliner) and her fave (doveman). it was the light at the end of the bad march tunnel. there was catharsis. there was dancing. there was no bitterness about being in penn station at 1:41 am or about precepting the next morning at 9.

last evening: once again ms. hannah proved herself as best show friend and this time ms. k8 was along for the fun too. it was the end of the longest period of non-show going i have had in the last seven years (so, basically since i started going to shows). there were many revelations. i used to be sortof an indie rock princess. and it was fun. and i miss it. living in princeton has many drawbacks, but it is close to new york... and i should be grateful. even in wonderful show heaven montreal, i would not have been close enough to be able to attend the last show ever. in the end there was dancing and drinking and fist pumping and viewing if not participating in impressive pogoing (there are lines i still will not cross), and no emo tearz, and no bitterness about being on njtransit during sleeping hours. there is hope that i am not totally hip replacement afterall. or at least that is what i am going to tell myself when i wear my rainer maria blue flower skull t-shirt to work. oh, and i definitely need a fabulous punkrock haircut. its like a tatoo, now or never.

it turns out i really like making lists, so here is my list of top ten favorite rainer maria songs, none of which seem less relevant to my life than they did when i first listened to them.

the awful truth of loving
tinfoil
broken radio
terrified
catastrophe keeps us together
rise
ct catholic
spit and fire
i'll make you mine
mystery and misery

holla and i'll send them to you.

single emo tear,
cam